I was just a child then. Just 9 years old.
How did you do that to me?
I trusted you. My parents trusted you.
How were you able to do that to your goddaughter?
Everyday, you sit in the terrace of your house. Thats your place.
Every other day, You call me. You ask me to remove those hair under your lip. I always do that, didnt i?
I was very obedient to you.
One afternoon while im picking those small hairs on your chin, You told me to get you a water inside your house. I was hesitant at first because it was so dark there. Nobody’s home. But you told me not to be afraid. I obeyed you, didnt i?
In the dark you hold my little body.
That scared me to death and all i were able to say was “mama” Hoping she would hear me so she can stop you.
Finally you let me go. You drink the water i brought you. And then we went outside. Thank God you did not do anything to me!
Nobody sees us.
Maybe that’s the reason why you held me there. Because no one is there. And ifever someone comes along, he wont suspect that youre doing something bad because were on the outside.
I never thought that would happen.
I never thought that the person i respected all my life except for my parents will slid his dark hands inside my underwear.
You asked me if it feels good.
If you only knew how it felt so bad!
IT FELT SO BAD. LIKE DEATH.
I FELT MY WORLD WAS SHAKING, BUT IM NOT MOVING.
I CANT MOVE.
I CANT CRY.
I CANT TELL YOU TO STOP.
I CANT EVEN SAY A WORD.
After that day, or should i say “days”.
You acted like nothing happened. Youre still friends with my mom.
Yeah. Youre right.
You were right when you said I shouldnt tell anyone.
That was the best advise ive ever got from you.
And so I never did.
Even my mom, she never knew.
And she will never know.
I cant let her know.
I dont know if i could bear to live my life knowing that people knew i was molested.
That would degrade me.
That would feel worse than being handicapped.
That would eliminate every respect i have for myself.
Now my world was shattered.
It was shattered since that very day.
And God knows i tried so hard to make it whole again, but i cant.
Because of you i cannot trust the people around me anymore.
Do you know how much damaged you’ve caused my life?
I cant forget it.
And as long as i remember it,
As long as im aching,
As long as it tears me apart,
I CANT FORGIVE YOU.